


Who in this thread smoke weed?

by miowoda



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Everyone Is Gay, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Texting, aka fuck you tweeks parents !, anyway, bc i really hate him, chatfic, dark humour, everyone is of age and in highschool here dont worry, except tweek and craig he'd die immediately, group chats, im not adding cartman, kennys flirting with everyone, like he makes me feel sick, very light angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-16 20:20:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15445050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miowoda/pseuds/miowoda
Summary: clydead has added 7 people to the chat!clydead has renamed the group Who in this thread smoke weed?clydead: be aware of when u speak. i have skillfully made creative names.character: im curiouscharacter: why the fuck am i characterclydead: token black charactercharacter:  I fucking hate you





	1. the regretful beginning

**Author's Note:**

> oh shit waddup a chatfic
> 
> this is fluff with a pinch of angst (to do with tweeks parents + the unknowing drug abuse)  
> im tired
> 
> there's some gay shit too
> 
> like i said, eric isn't here. he makes me uncomfortable and i understand if y'all dont wanna read this anymore but helllo fuck that dude

**clydead** has added  **7** people to the chat!   
**clydead** has renamed the group  **Who in this thread smoke weed?**   
**clydead** : be aware of when u speak. i have skillfully made creative names.   
**character** : im curious   
**character** : why the fuck am i character   
**clydead** : token black character   
**character** :  I fucking hate you   
**character** has renamed himself to  **tokemon go** ****  
**clydead** : holy shit   
**tokemon go** : let’s tokemon go to the polls   
**exhibitionist fetish** : thats so lame   
**exhibitionist fetish** : what the fuck   
**tokemon go** : IM CRHING WHO IS THAT   
**clydead** : I won’t forget what I saw.   
**exhibitionist fetish** : dude fuck you   
**exhibitionist fetish** has renamed himself to  **craig** ****  
**clydead** : noone is keeping their original name :(   
**horny fuck** : im fine with this   
**clydead** : oh yo kenny   
**horny fuck** : i may like titties but dicks   
**tokemon go** : i hate all of you   
**clydead** : love u too   
**tsundere** : what is this   
**tsundere** : god damnit   
**clydead** : weeb   
**tsundere** : YOU’RE THE ONE WHO MADE THIS NAME   
**tokemon go** : is that fucking kyle   
**craig** : wow calling stan “that” is pretty mean token   
**stain** : I will destroy you.   
**craig** : do it, pussy.   
**Please sleep im really concerned i’ve never seen you sleep ever tweek and it’s really worrying** : DONT HURT CRAIG   
**craig** : what the fuck   
**clydead** : Hey. Hey. I cant be the only one who’s noticed that   
**craig** : dont steal my mans   
**tokemon go** : ok can someone change tweeks name   
**craig** has changed  **Please sleep im really concerned i’ve never seen you sleep ever tweek and it’s really concerning** ’s name to tweekway   
**tweekway** : what    
**craig** : sub   
**tsundere** : please keep sex out of this chat   
**horny gay** : kyle .   
**tsundere** : nvm that’d be impossible with that fucker there   
**horny gay** : muah   
**horny gay** : oh no butters is here we’re gonna fucking taint him   
**clydead** : yeah i couldn’t bear to give him an awful name so i called him butterscotch. He’s a sweet bo.y   
**butterscotch** : oh hello fellas! what’s this chat?   
**clydead** : please butters no   
**tweekway** : tbh ever since i sued my parents coffee shop and got off meth i’m not so much of a fucking spaz   
**clydead** : WAIT YOU SUED THEM   
**tweekway** : bitch there was meth Everywhere. Like everywhere   
**craig** : yea it’s kinda fucked up   
**tokemon go** : i had coffee from them once and i threw up afterwards. Was that the fucking meth.   
**tweekway** : i think my parents fucked near a coffee machine once so i hope it was   
**tokemon go** : I’m going to die!   
**stain** : ive been reading this for a while but like what the fuck is going on   
**stain** : i can’ tkeep up with this we’ve only had this chat for 5 minutes and we’ve had this much messages   
**tokemon go** : just mute the chat   
**stain** : no   
**clydead** : then don’t complain asshole   
**stain** : who the fuck u calling an asshole   
**craig** : oh shittt is there a fight i wanna watch this   
**butterscotch** : oh hamburgers;; please don’t fight!   
**clydead** : I love you and cant do this to him   
**craig** : goddamnit   
**tweekway** : do you guys think that liike. Everything has feelings   
**tweekway** : like im drinking some water and im afraid thati t’s alive and im just voring it   
**tweekway** : oh my god im so sorry water   
**craig** : babe if everything was alive ur body is probably happy that ur drinking water think of it that way   
**stain** : Oh, gay?   
**craig** : Fuck you you cant say shit go fuck kyle already   
**tsundere** : WE’RE NOT FUCKING   
**clydead** : ah i see your name fits you   
**tsundere** : If Butters wasn’t here I would literally kick your ass so hard that it’ll go into the next fucking dimension.   
**butterscotch** : oh jeez, you guys really think that much of me? :D   
**horny gay** : yes we love yyou   
**craig** : no we jsut don’t want u to lose ur innocence like the rest of us   
**tsundere** : Wait is cartman here i will lose my fucking shit   
**clydead** : don’t worry   
**tokemon go** : if clyde added him i would kill eric   
**tokemon go** : on the fucking spot.   
**tweekway** : please add him so i can volunteer to die   
**tokemon go** : what the fuck   
**craig** : me too   
**tsundere** : yeah me too   
**stain** : that fatass needs more than one person to die to make up for him   
**tokemon go** :  _ please gusy  _   
**tweekway** : end it all, coward.   
**stain** : lol wild   
**clydead** : so imma go to sleep now y’all kids better not fuck when im gone   
**horny gay** : ;)   
**clydead** has muted  **horny gay** !   
**clydead** : token unmute him tomorrow   
**clydead** has granted  **tokemon go** admin commands!   
**tokemon go** : aye aye   
**stain** : token bottoms   
**tokemon go** has muted  **stain** ,  **tsundere** ,  **craig** ,  **tweekway** ! ****  
**tokemon go** : butters isn’t muted bc hes good   
**butterscotch** : oh,, oh thank you!   
**tokemon go** : goodnight butters and fuck the rest of you   



	2. token the cum drinker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also im gon just say their sexualities here  
> everyone here is homo except clyde and stan  
> stan is bi and clyde is aromantic (but homosexual)

**tokemon go** has unmuted  **tweekway**   
**tweekway** : owo   
**tokemon go** : the only reason i’m unmuting you is because uh… well..    
**tokemon go** : all i cna fucking think of is that time u said u thought ur parents fucked at the coffee shop and i wanna know that story   
**tweekway** : okay so   
**tweekway** : i broke in very early bc i was desperate for coffee and a couple hours after i was in i heard… i heard…    
**tokemon go** : it’s ok tweek i understand this is a harsh story   
**tweekway** : i heard them fuck and i was like ?? and i peeked over and i just saw cum go into a coffee machine   
**tokemon go** : how do you ONLY think that’s a thought   
**tweekway** : i didn’t wanna deal with that shit so the first coffee order i poured all that shit out into the mug   
**tweekway** : yeah i think it was yours   
**tokemon go** : Oh, I hate myself! I can’t believe I drank your dads cum!   
**clydead** : IM FUCKING CRYING WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE IS THAT   
**tweekway** : can u unmute the others i miss craig   
**clydead** : you saw him like 5 mins ago   
**tweekway** : ple   
**tokemon go** : he’s right next to you   
**tweekway** : pls   
**clydead** has unmuted  **tsundere** ,  **stain** ,  **horny gay** ,  **craig** !   
**craig** : thanks babe   
**tweekway** : :’D   
**horny gay** : can we start calling cartman “shartman”   
**tsundere** : i don’t object to this!    
**craig** : edick shartman   
**clydead** : heh well you kno what they say   
**clydead** : man who goes to bed with a scratchy ass wakes up with skid marks   
**stain** : that’s so valid   
**tsundere** : we’re talking about shartman here. You’re basically calling  _ him _ valid.   
**stain** : oh shit   
**butterscotch** : oh jeez, we could possibly give him a chance, right?   
**tweekway** : butters. Butters. We’re not gonna give him another chance.   
**horny gay** : we prob should’t    
**tokemon go** : do u remember when we had that coon and friends and freedom pals thing   
**tweekway** : oh yeah   
**craig** : looking back at it i probably should’ve gone to freedom pals   
**tsundere** : i dont know why i stayed    
**tsundere** : that being said that time where we all went to the u-stor-it ft. toolshed was fuckin fun   
**tokemon go** : Wait what   
**stain** : kyle   
**stain** :  _ kyle they didnt know that _ __  
**horny gay** : What the FUck   
**tsundere** : um   
**craig** : actually he didn’t help that much   
**stain** : HAH FUCK YOU TOO   
**butterscotch** : all my minions died…   
**tweekway** : this is so sad. Token, play despacito   
**craig** : why token   
**tweekway** : wanted to say timmy but that woulda been..   
**butterscotch** : wendy really kicked ass!! She was really strong!   
**stain** : she really was tbh   
**horny gay** : that reminds me tweek didnt shartman deadass stab u and when we called him out he called us pussies   
**tweekway** : yeah that was funny   
**tokemon go** : it was until we had to bandage u. u were really lucky it wasnt that bad + my mum was in so she could check it out   
**tweekway** : ;))   
**craig** :  _ what the fuck. _ __  
**stain** : it was pretty funny   
**craig** :  _ what the fuck why wasnt i told he was stabbed _ __  
**butterscotch** : weren’t you two broken up at that time?   
**tweekway** : craig you have fucked me more than i can count yet u didnt even bother mentioning how i have a scar   
**stain** : yo.you two fucked? **  
****tweekway** : we’re in highschool   
**stain** : you  _ fucked _ __  
**horny gay** : once i had a one night stand with a girl with huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge tits   
**tsundere** : if you’re a virgin send “i”   
**tsundere** : i   
**stain** : i   
**stain** :  _ not… not even you, butters..? _ __  
**butterscotch** : i… i have my regrets.   
**tsundere** : me and stan are the only virgins!   
**horny gay** : fuck eachother to save time   
**tweekway** : dont say that kenny theyre right next to me   
**tokemon go** : next to you yet you’re texting   
**clydead** : ya cant say shit; im next to you   
**craig** : hold on clyde and token didn’t say they were virgins, oh?   
**tweekway** : oh???   
**tokemon go** : it’s a long story   
**clydead** : we fucked once bc we were drunk    
**tweekway** : I JSUT CHOKED    
**craig** : choked on my dick   
**tweekway** : my throat, chest and mouth are completely burning with coffee. Normal occurrences.   
**horny gay** : nononono wawait go back to the story   
**tokemon go** : im going to kill you   
**clydead** : i’m aromantic so nothing is gonna happen it was just like a one night stand thing   
**butterscotch** : i love and accept you   
**tweekway** : i think we’re all homosexual    
**tokemon go** : gay  club. Gay club. Gay Club.   
**stain** : i. I don’t.   
**craig** : stan and kyle are def gay    
**butterscotch** : you shouldn’t force it out of them! They might not be gay! :(   
**horny gay** : uwaaah i love u butters   
  
Private Message Log   
**Stan** has messaged  **hHNngh, Hngnh** **  
****Stan** : hey tweek   
**hHNngh, Hngnh** : yes   
**Stan** : how did u realise u were gay   
**hHNngh, Hngnh** : b..boys..   
**hHNngh, Hngnh** : boys! Or ! One boy in particular!   
**Stan** : one boy in particular…   
**hHNngh, Hngnh** : why are you coming to me about this?   
**hHNngh, Hngnh** : OH   
**hHNngh, Hngnh** : OH WORM   
**Stan** : I will destroy you.   
**Stan** : But, yes it’s who you think it is   
**Stan** : i,, i think i like kyle???   
**hHNngh, Hngnh** : oooooohhh!   
**hHNngh, Hngnh** : m not gonna force it on you unlike some peeps but i can help you if u want support   
**hHNngh, Hngnh** : oh i need to pick up my anxiety meds i think it’s near ur house if u want i can come round if it’s easier to talk about it irl   
**Stan** : pl.ease   
  
**tsundere** : stan is pm-ing tweek. Hm   
**craig** :   
**horny gay** : dangerous game to play   
**stain** :  _ it’s not what you think _ __  
**tweekway** : he was just asking me bout smth dont worry babe   
**craig** : mmmm   
**stain** : Please don’t hurt me   
**tweekway** : i initiated it    
**tsundere** : lol rip in rest   
**horny gay** : i dont like girls but i like titties   
**tsundere** : if someone had a dick and some titties would u love them   
**horny gay** : yes it’s called futanari   
**butterscotch** : futanari..?   
**horny gay** : Butters no   
**craig** : oh god   
**craig** : dicks look weird they look like angery worms   
**tweekway** : love you too!


	3. i got style

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> style

**stain** : were tweek and craig even dating when the yaoi pics were made  
 **stain** : looking back at it i don’t think they were they like never talked  
 **craig** : don’t remind me of those dark times  
 **craig** : we genuinely weren’t  
 **craig** : but we just pretended we were bc the town were depressed over us quote on quote breaking up  
 **craig** : and look where we are now  
 **tokemon go** : legendary  
 **clydead** : do u think wendy has a fat pussy  
 **tokemon go** has muted **clydead**  
 **tsundere** : thanks  
 **horny gay** : probably  
 **horny gay** : bitch is a lesbian. She gonn get syphilis  
 **tokemon go** has muted **horny gay** **  
** **tokemon go** : i hate you two  
 **craig** : this is the most dysfunctional group chat and i love it  
 **tweekway** : i have to gget braces help   
**stain** : oh my god i had to wear them for a while it was the worst time of my life  
 **butterscotch** : why u mad is it becausse u cant suck diic k,hdxgsfzdz,c’’#  
 **tsundere** : ... is he having a stroke?  
 **tokemon go** : im crying did kenny steal his phone  
 **butterscotch** : KENNY STOEL IT IM SO SORRY  
 **stain** : i’m fuckign criyrJFAGHA\  
  
 **tokemon go** : didnt know why it was so quiet but then i realised  
 **tokemon go** has unmuted **clydead** , **horny gay** **  
** **craig** : why have you done this  
 **craig** : i was enjoying this silence  
 **clydead** : wa.wait craig.  
 **clydead** : arent u fucking tweek i swear u were just like “ok brb gotta fuck my bf”  
 **craig** : 99% of the time im talking in this chat tweek’s sucking my dick or im fucking him  
 **craig** : like im not even gonna deny it  
 **clydead** : whate th fuck  
 **horny gay** : WILD.  
 **craig** : ;)  
 **tsundere** : why the fuck are you two like this  
 **stain** : this could be us but u playin  
 **tsundere** : JWASKAFK AWJHHHHHHNSZ?  
 **stain** : NO KENYNY TOOK MY PHONE  
 **horny gay** : DID NOT IM WATCHING TWEEK AND CRAIG FUCK  
 **craig** : dude fuck off  
 **clydead** : DID STAN MAKE A MOVE  
 **tweekway** : oh shiiiiiiit  
 **tweekway** : thats m boy  
 **horny gay** : YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS?  
 **tweekway** : oh shit sORRY STAN FSAFHAG   
**stain** has left the chat!  
 **tweekway** : WELL FUCK  
 **tsundere** : WHAT IS GOING ON  
 **tsundere** : IS HE GAY?? AM I GAY??  
 **tsundere** : IM. CONFUSED AND HORNY  
 **horny gay** : god me  
 **tokemon go** : 1) probably 2) yeah  
 **tsundere** : YOU SAY THAT WITH SUCH CONFIDENCE  
 **tsundere** : WHAT THE FUCK STAN IS OUTSIDE MY HOUSE  
 **tsundere** : GOOD MOTHERFUCKING BYE IM GOING TO HANG MYSELF  
 **tweekway** : well then   
**craig** : yea mood  
 **butterscotch** : shouldn’t we like… do something?  
 **craig** : no  
 **tokemon go** : ykno im not that confident that this is gonna do any good but im curious so  
 **clydead** : wheeze they’re either gonna be gay or it’s gonna be super awkward  
 **tweekway** : good part of me wants them to be happy.  
 **tweekway** : but on the contrast, it’d be cool to see two friends who love each other unconditionally break apart a simple love confession  
 **craig** : babe that’s dark  
 **craig** : i love u  
 **tweekway** : love u too  
 **butterscotch** : OH GOD ERIC SAW THEM BEING GAY  
 **horny gay** : lol shartman  
 **clydead** : heh  
 **butterscotch** : actually… no, he doesn’t care but he’s kind of >:(  
 **tweekway** : i dont think he’s homophobic i think it’s bc like once me and craig were fucking and he walked in and it prob fucked him up.  
 **craig** : fatass shartman  
 **craig** has renamed the group to **fatass shartman** **  
** **craig** : beautiful  
 **tweekway** : am i beautiFul too  
 **craig** : yes tweek you are beautiful too  
 **tsundere** : im gay  
 **tsundere** : im.   
**horny gay** : welcome we have flannel shirts  
 **tsundere** has added **stain** to the chat!  
 **stain** : why iss it called fatass shartman  
 **horny gay** : are we wrong  
 **stain** : i guess not  
 **tsundere** : so uh  
 **tweekway** : owo  
 **butterscotch** : are you two fellas dating?  
 **tsundere** : i mean if he wants to  
 **stain** : sure  
 **tsundere** : ksfkagj  
 **craig** : “sure” lol waht a fucking mood i literally just nodded when tweek asked me out  
 **tweekway** : shut up  
  
 **tokemon go** : do y’all wanna celebrate christmas together.  
 **tokemon go** : we could do a secret santa it’d be fuckin funny  
 **craig** : fuck it  
 **craig** : let’s do it  
 **stain** : only if we do it at ur house token ur house is fuckin great  
 **tokemon go** : im fine w this  
 **tweekway** : i might? My parents are prob gonna make me work which is shitty  
 **craig** : i’ll fuck u that hard u cant walk so they cant make u work  
 **horny gay** : what the fcuK  
 **tweekway** : no u’ve done that before and it doesnt work  
 **horny gay** : what the fuck  
  
 **tweekway** : who emailed my parents saying “what up fuckers im the ghost of the christmas future and if y’all cunts dont make tweek take christmas off i’ll shove a candy cane up your ass”  
 **tweekway** : im cryring   
**craig** : i didnt do that oh mygod who is that god  
 **tsundere** : wild.  
 **tokemon go** : ;)  
 **tokemon go** : ur welcome  
 **tweekway** : craig im gonna go to ur house im like 99% sure my parents are gonna yell @ me bc i replied with “please fucking do it. End it” right next to them  
 **craig** : nice  
 **stain** : await. Waht if we all jsut had a big ass sleepover.   
**butterscotch** : can i join? :D  
 **tokemon go** : yes we love you  
 **horny gay** : i mean realistically i dont trust noone having sex  
 **tokemon go** : this works actually my parents are out that week  
 **tsundere** : a) someones gonna fuck. or kenny is gonna jack off. b) its a fucking plan  
 **  
** **tokemon go** : going back to secret santa…. If we all do a secret santa and then an individual gift for everyone so. Ykno. there’s 2 presents each  
 **craig** : how many people are there…  
 **stain** : uh me, kyle, butters, craig, tweek, token, kenny, clyde… that’s eight, right?  
 **clydead** : SEXY  
 **clydead** : ok who we gonna fucking do. How do we decide  
 **tokemon go** : i’ll write names on paper, not lookin at them and then give them to people individually. It’ll work. Probably  
 **tokemon go** : if u get urself have fun  
 **craig** : the act of having fun with yourself seems like something kenny does  
 **horny gay** : ;)  
 **tokemon go** : gg  
 **craig** : also tweek is sleeping for once im surprised  
 **clydead** : oh my god he finally rests  
 **craig** : it is blessed. He’s just chillin. He Rests.  
 **stain** : u gay or smth  
 **tsundere** : U cant say shit bitch  
 **stain** : fuck you’re right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah im making a christmas chapter in august. and what about it?


End file.
